A Discourse On Male Suicide In Nigeria – AHMAD SAJOH
…Almost all male-dominated Societies live with the deception that “Men are Strong and women are the weaker sex” That is a very big lie…
…Women are by far stronger than men, especially in their capacity to endure difficulties and hardships associated with life and living…
…I come from an area that has recently witnessed the Boko Haram occupation. Our experience is that when Boko Haram strikes while Men simply run away for their safety, women never leave the house without taking their children…
…When a woman is killed or captured, most of the men simply lament the loss and sometimes move on by marrying another wife. When the man is killed or captured, the woman simply steps into the role of breadwinner and caregiver to the kids and even relations. For me, that is real strength…
…Sometimes I wonder, What if, for some reason, we were to experience role reversal and men were to start giving birth? The pains of birth pangs and the lack of patience to care for children would have ended humanity a long time ago…
…There are three strong demons that, if unchained in any society, will test the strength of men beyond the limit: poverty, despondency, and Anomie. They affect society most devastatingly. They are deadly and ferocious. Once they are unchained, only “Real Men” stand erect.
Introduction:
The title of my presentation may sound odd to many people. However, perhaps after I have concluded the presentation, it will be obvious why I chose such a very interesting heading for my discourse today.
Let me start by telling this gathering that we all have been living a very big lie. Almost all male-dominated Societies live with the deception that “Men are Strong and women are the weaker sex” That is a very big lie.
What exactly is Strength? Is it a Macho physique? Is it a hot temper? Is it the ability to bully others? Or is it the capacity to carry very heavy loads on the head or Shoulders? For me, these do not represent strength. Real strength is represented by endurance, resilience, perseverance and patience. And women have them more than men. I believe that women are by far stronger than men, especially in their capacity to endure difficulties and hardships associated with life and living.
I come from an area that has recently witnessed the Boko Haram occupation. Our experience is that when Boko Haram strikes while Men simply run away for their safety, women never leave the house without taking their children. Many were caught because they were looking for a child or two. Many lost their dignity and even lives because of that.
When a woman is killed or captured, most of the men simply lament the loss and sometimes move on by marrying another wife. When the man is killed or captured, the woman simply steps into the role of breadwinner and caregiver to the kids and even relatives. For me, that is a real strength. Perhaps that is why we have to talk about men committing suicide and not about women doing the same.
Sometimes I wonder, What if for some reason we are to experience role reversal and men were to start giving birth? The pains of birth pangs and the lack of patience to care for children would have ended humanity a long time ago. Someone may say what of breadwinning? In Adamawa, Borno and Yobe states, nearly 1/3 of households now have female breadwinners, some with jobless husbands to add to those in need.
Unchaining the Demons
There are three strong demons that if unchained in any Society the strength of men will be tested beyond limit. Let me be very categorical here, when I say men, I am referring to the adult human beings of the male gender and not the biblical “Man” that connotes the human person, male or female These demons are three in number. They are poverty, Despondency and Anomie. They affect Society most devastatingly. They are deadly and ferocious. Once they are unchained only “Real Men” stand erect.
I don’t know how many of you have travelled by road across the country. One of the things I enjoy most on such road trips is reading the inscriptions on the back of lorries carrying goods. There are many very witty and philosophical statements written. I often enjoy one in particular. It says “To be a Man is not a day job.” Forget the weak grammar. It is a highly instructive statement. It takes a lot to be man. But it takes a lot more to still be a man when the demons of poverty, despondency and Anomie are unchained. Let us look at them one by one and their effect on the population including how they humble men in the best of times and lead them to death in extremely worst situations.
Poverty
Poverty is a state of lack, most usually lack of money, food, or shelter. It is a situation where people lack the means to satisfy their basic needs. According to the United Nations Development programme UNDP, Poverty could be ordinary or multi-dimensional. In Nigeria what we have is multi-dimensional poverty, which is measured by the UNDP Human Development index. The HDI is a composite index of life expectancy, education and per capita income. This measures societal achievement in key dimensions of human development such as number of citizens having a long and healthy life, being knowledgeable, having a decent standard of living and enlarging their freedoms and opportunities. The last part is largely why many men have lost the strength to be men in Nigeria. For just being poor one could be deemed a criminal in this country. In addition, justice itself comes at a price. So, there are no freedoms for the poor to enlarge. As for opportunities, they have been shrinking for most of the citizens in the country and not just for the poor.
Thus, with no freedoms and no opportunities, it takes a very strong sense of being to avoid taking the last option of giving it all up, including life and living. The Human Development index for Nigeria 2022 is 0.534 indicating somewhere in the middle of the global scenario. The first three, Switzerland has 0.962, Norway 0.961 and Iceland 0.959. Nigeria is Number 163, lower than African countries like Cameroon, Kenya, Zambia and even nearby Togo. Bringing it closer home, the National Bureau of Statistics NBS says 66% of Nigerians around 136 million Nigerians are multi-dimensionally poor. What this means is that for every 1000 Nigerians alive today 660 of them are multi-dimensionally poor.
Multi-dimensional poverty means having no access to quality education, quality health care services, clean water, electricity, decent roof over their head, adequate nutrition and in many cases even toilet. Poverty could be individual and it could be collective as well. Collective poverty is the poverty of the entire society such as the one we now experience in Nigeria with 66% of Nigerians multi-dimensionally poor. The tiny islands of prosperity are few and far in between in the country. There are also situations often referred to as case poverty where individuals and or families fail to secure basic needs even in Social Surroundings of relative prosperity. Just visit lekki in Lagos or Maitama in Abuja. Despite the opulence in those places, menial workers and artisans serving the areas remain abjectly poor. In fact, the naked display of opulence, coupled with the extreme insensitivity on the part of the rich in the country is enough to make a poor person feel valueless.
Despondency
The second demon is despondency. It is a sad emotional state of being where the person feels both hopeless and worthless. At this point, life itself becomes valueless, a situation where hope departs the person and defeat becomes imminent. Being caged in such a situation the only option considered by many people is a permanent escape from life itself. Despondency makes one to feel no drive to go further. The despondent person gets stuck at one point in a state of flus. We have seen it in many Internally Displaced Persons or IDP camps where some people seat quietly on one corner not even interested in socializing with others. Despondent persons sometimes become easily agitated and triggered. They are easily irritated and angry. Transferred aggression becomes a norm rather than an exception. Relationships become hard to maintain. Most of the domestic violence we experience are sometimes as a result of the externalization of some of despondent feelings by our men.
A despondent person often looks exhausted, feels exhausted and behaves exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally even without doing anything. Of course, such a person stays away from people, feels worthless and can deal violently with any other person. Despondent people we came across at both Boko Haram recovered communities and IDP Centres become deflated, withdrawn and powerless to take any decision regarding their lives or those under them. The men among them feel so worthless that you could see signs of a person willing to lose everything else including their lives. Most of those with this condition are men. Within IDP Camps and within recovered communities the first thing always observed is that while men sulk and withdraw from most activities, women find pleasure in helping to cook or clean the compounds. In addition, their concern for their children also gives them a reason to want to be active in the camp and aspire to remain alive despite the sorry situation they find themselves in.
Anomie
Anomie is a term used to describe a condition of total breakdown of norms and values in an individual or society. Anomie leads a person to be in a state of confusion and to become chaotic within his or her environment. In most cases a person in the state of anomie is unable to determine what is right or wrong nor being capable of rational thinking. Under a state of Anomie, ethical standards are thrown overboard. All that matters is to escape the condition created by the situation.
No matter how much academics and expects describes anomie, one needs to encounter a person or a group of persons in a state of anomie to really understand it. Emile Durkheim (1858-1917) a French Sociologist is seen as a pioneer scholar in the field of sociology to speak about the state of anomie. Durkheim states that “anomie is a state in which expectations are unclear and the Social system that keeps people functioning has broken down” when I visited the refugee camp in Minawawo in Maroua the capital of the Far North State of Cameroon, what I saw told me exactly what to expect in a state of anomie. Jabbo lost everything, He had no idea of where his family were. He was from Kwatara in Borno State of Nigeria, but he was caught at Kolfata in Cameroon where he went for medical treatment.
When Boko Haram entered the town and abducted the traditional ruler and the wife of a cabinet member all the other citizens did was run. Jabbo found himself running with them. He ran east ward like everyone else until he was rescued along with others by Cameroonian Gendarmes. He was taken to the Minawawo Camp, profiled and issued a number. At the refugee camp he was informed that his village of Kwatara was overrun, everyone was either dead or captured and taken to Sambisa. He was left with no options to use and give value to his life. All he can think of is death. His question when we went to speak as fellow Nigerians was very instructive. He asked me directly as the spokesperson of our group. “Allagubro, please where can I see the angel responsible for blowing the horn to signal the end of the world? Is it possible for me to collect it from him and blow it since he appears to be delaying the process?”
I was taken aback. Who on earth knows where the angels live let alone the one responsible for ending the world. But that was his state of mind at that point in time. For him, the “end-time trumpet should sound” and the world should simply come to an end at that point in time.
Some sociologists relate to the state of anomie as responsible for crime and criminality, as well as many other deviant behaviours. When a person feels valueless, purposeless, normless and then meets a blank in all life choices, the chance of throwing the towel and ending all is high. In that situation the lagoon around third mainland bridge become a “paradise lost”
What do we do?
I have a few suggestions here for addressing such situations unleashed on the people of Nigeria by the unchaining the three demons of poverty, despondency and anomie.
The first suggestion is for all of us to commit to supporting the less privileged. The efforts of the Elizabethan H&H Foundation should be a pointer. The foundation may not be the only one on this path, but its emphasis on honey and honour means that it understands the nexus between creating wealth, ending poverty, restoring Societal norms and evolving a society of shared prosperity where everyone matters.
We also need to begin to live the truth and face our reality. Men are not as strong as we attribute to them. In fact, men are the weaker sex when it comes to real strength. If we need to strengthen any gender to enable it face the current situation, it should be the male gender.
We need to appreciate our women and encourage them to share part of their strength with our men. They should be pillars of strength for all the family. They should protect men as much as they expect protection from the men.
We should work towards a change in our mind set. Our perception should help to defeat fatalism. We should make our people realize that man is not an object without a will. Determination can defeat fatalism. But to be determined there has be a hope, there has to be some measure of freedom and above all there has to be opportunities for making a decent living.
Government is the key driver and enabler for ensuring that the above suggestions are actualized. However, the responsibility cannot be that of Government alone. We all have roles to play. Jabbo may not have access to the “End time Trumpet” to blow. But he has many options to end lives of others and his own as well. If he chooses to join Boko Haram, become a Bandit or Kidnapper he could disrupt the peace of society and end several lives. If he finds no avenues for expressing his innermost feelings of hopelessness, he could end his own life as his only option. For him and many like him, no matter what happens something must give. If it turns out to be a life, his own life, so be it.
Last Word
Why do Men end their lives rather than face the realities of their situations with determination to overcome. The answer is very simple. The demons of poverty, despondency and anomie once unchained overwhelm the men. Can we tame them and chain them once again? Yes, we can. Are we willing to do so? I leave all of you to answer this question.
Thank you and God bless.
Delivered in Lagos on November 15, 2023, on the occasion of the celebration of 2023 International Men’s Day by the Elizabethan H&H Foundation.
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